Turning 65

           It seems fortuitous that I chose Tuesdays as the day of the week I would publish new posts here at Antonia’s Senior Moments. Both Christmas and New Years fell on Tuesdays and today, a couple of weeks into the New Year, I’m writing my Tuesday post on my 65^th birthday.

          I share my birthday with a wonderful and truly inspirational man, Martin Luther King. He would have been 84 today. I feel honored to share this day with King, who opened the door and brought the fresh air of “all people created equal” into our current society. Sure, the ideology hasn’t stuck for everyone, but some people don’t have the education to be that open and accepting, let alone the experience to know what it feels like to be discriminated against. So, here’s to a noble countryman who gave of his ideology and his life so the lives of black people everywhere could be better. In my opinion, us white folks are better for it too!

          So, its official: I’m a legitimate, card-carrying Medicare recipient and I’m entitled to social security, which I’ve been receiving since I was 62 (a story for another day). When I turned 55, many establishments (movie theaters, some restaurants and retail stores), would give me a senior discount. I had to chuckle though at those places where the 20-year-old clerks were required to ask if I wanted the senior rate or not. At first I felt super old. They must be asking because I looked old. That wasn’t the case, however, when I pressed the issue. It was similar to being carded; if you even remotely looked like you could be 55, the clerks were required to ask. They always asked with down-cast eyes.

          I’m thrilled to be 65; no, seriously I am.

Friends: What kind of a friend are you?

          I don’t think I’m a fabulous friend, but I’m a better friend than I used to be. Do you agree that being a friend – the kind of friend people want to have around – takes work? That doesn’t seem right, but I know it’s true for me. Some people make friendship seem so effortless. It doesn’t come natural for me. I have to review and perfect my friendship skills constantly.

           I’ve never had any formal friendship training, which is the stuff you’re taught as  a child…turn the other cheek, respect and put others first, do unto others…yada yada. Instead I was taught to be competitive with others, including my sister and my playmates. The message in our household was, “Don’t let them get ahead of you, or get the best of you and always watch your back.”  As a result, I was convinced others were out to take advantage of me or make me look bad. I always had to be on my guard which makes building long-lasting friendships a difficult task, at best.

           Throughout my childhood I had two unequivocal friends that I never questioned. The first was my cocker spaniel, Sparky, and the second was my relationship with books. Neither of these ‘friends’ would criticize, one up, or judge me. I spent lots more time with them than the flesh and blood varieties of “friends.” Because my dad was in the military and the family moved every one to three years it was easy to perfect a façade of friendship without doing the substantive work to develop true alliances.

           Another roadblock in my friendship journey was being taught ways of being in the world with men but not about how to be friends with other women. I was nearly 21 before I realized that the other half of the population was worth befriending. I’ll never forget the first time I could say I loved a woman friend. Being a confirmed heterosexual, I was surprised to acquire the depth of feelings for a woman co-worker who I visualized as a role model in exposing me to the rewards of female friends.

           Christine was nurturing and kind, and had no ulterior motive in getting close to me. She inspired me to look differently at the people in my life. Through her, I learned to acquire and entertain women friends. For the first time in my life, I felt alive and worthy and not so suspicious of women around me. There must have been other women who lacked early friendship development like I did because I’ve run into them throughout my life and we’ve compared notes about being guarded around other women and unsure of their sincerity.

           Okay, so this doesn’t mean that now that I’m all grown up I’m this expert friend and people – both men and women – are clambering to have Antonia for a friend. As a matter of fact, judging from recent events, I’ve got a long way to go in perfecting my technique.