For the Love of Sammy...or Conzo...or Sweetie Pie

          I’ve heard many of my friends talk about the emotional impact pets have had on their lives, especially since those friends have become senior citizens. In most cases, the kids are gone and, unfortunately for some, the spouses have passed away. With crappy TV and often no means to get around or explore too far from home, the days loom large. Pets who depend on us and love us in return make a huge difference in the happiness of a senior's life.

Me and My Cat
          I’ve admitted many times here just how over the top I am about my precious cat, Kali. Because I’ve never had children or step-children to spend time with daily, I’ve transferred many of my maternal instincts onto my pets all throughout my adult life. I’ve spoken here about how I unabashedly anthropomorphize my pets and imbue them with human feelings and emotional characteristics.

My friend Sue's dog, Toby
 

          And I am not alone. Go to the dog park, any dog park, and watch the pride owners have for their animals. They are proud of how Sparky or Bessy stays close by while off leash or runs away returning periodically to check in with their owners. See the love and admiration in their faces as Toby or Cosmo checks out other dogs with a friendly perked-up tail.

          And if, for some reason, our animals disappoint us by shredding the toilet paper roll, or chowing down on the corner of a kitchen cabinet during the frenzied noise of 4^th of July fireworks, we manage to forgive them quickly. We know their behavior was out of boredom or fear and not meant to hurt or anger us. 

Unconditional Love
          I love Kali, unconditionally. I love her without question, and I know she is attached to me as the main human in her life. I’d like to think of that as her loving me back. While Kali spends so much of her time showing devotion to me, it just makes sense that I want to show her that devotion in return.  For instance, something that may be too expensive for me may be a necessity for her.

          I wish I could love people the easy way I love Kali. I wish I could suspend all other motives and emotions and love them purely, without question ALL the time. I wish I didn’t get P.O.’d sometimes or hurt by the actions of other humans. 

          In spite of my lack of perfection in the human love department, I can learn from Kali. She can teach me to strive to love others the way she loves me. I am made better by her love.

Contact Antonia at antoniasseniormoments@hotmail.com or
  Antonia's Senior Moments on Facebook

Friends: What kind of a friend are you?

          I don’t think I’m a fabulous friend, but I’m a better friend than I used to be. Do you agree that being a friend – the kind of friend people want to have around – takes work? That doesn’t seem right, but I know it’s true for me. Some people make friendship seem so effortless. It doesn’t come natural for me. I have to review and perfect my friendship skills constantly.

           I’ve never had any formal friendship training, which is the stuff you’re taught as  a child…turn the other cheek, respect and put others first, do unto others…yada yada. Instead I was taught to be competitive with others, including my sister and my playmates. The message in our household was, “Don’t let them get ahead of you, or get the best of you and always watch your back.”  As a result, I was convinced others were out to take advantage of me or make me look bad. I always had to be on my guard which makes building long-lasting friendships a difficult task, at best.

           Throughout my childhood I had two unequivocal friends that I never questioned. The first was my cocker spaniel, Sparky, and the second was my relationship with books. Neither of these ‘friends’ would criticize, one up, or judge me. I spent lots more time with them than the flesh and blood varieties of “friends.” Because my dad was in the military and the family moved every one to three years it was easy to perfect a façade of friendship without doing the substantive work to develop true alliances.

           Another roadblock in my friendship journey was being taught ways of being in the world with men but not about how to be friends with other women. I was nearly 21 before I realized that the other half of the population was worth befriending. I’ll never forget the first time I could say I loved a woman friend. Being a confirmed heterosexual, I was surprised to acquire the depth of feelings for a woman co-worker who I visualized as a role model in exposing me to the rewards of female friends.

           Christine was nurturing and kind, and had no ulterior motive in getting close to me. She inspired me to look differently at the people in my life. Through her, I learned to acquire and entertain women friends. For the first time in my life, I felt alive and worthy and not so suspicious of women around me. There must have been other women who lacked early friendship development like I did because I’ve run into them throughout my life and we’ve compared notes about being guarded around other women and unsure of their sincerity.

           Okay, so this doesn’t mean that now that I’m all grown up I’m this expert friend and people – both men and women – are clambering to have Antonia for a friend. As a matter of fact, judging from recent events, I’ve got a long way to go in perfecting my technique.