One of Those Moments: Laughter and the Simplier Things in Life

     Is there ever a time when what you need to shift your mood is just a good laugh? Have you ever realized how free and light you felt after seeing a comedy performance? I've always thought laughter is exercise from the inside out. All things look less dire after a good laugh.

     Sometimes I have to jump start that laughing exercise, and I do that with some funny videos from YouTube.  Enjoy this one of my favorites:








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The Art of Graceful Aging

               “Whining is not only graceless, but it can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that                              a victim is in the neighborhood" - Maya Angelou

 
          Why do I care about aging gracefully? Because I’ve found for myself that I have more fun when I approach all things with grace. Coming from a place of grace gives me a strong sense of gratitude and allows for the pause that refreshes, so to speak. When I’m being in grace, I’m not in that ‘bull in a china shop’ space where I never slow down long enough to really enjoy the process. And don’t you agree that, as older adults, the process needs to be just as worthwhile as the end result? I want to have fun along the way. The end result can be the icing on the cake, the cherry on top or the cat’s meow, etc. Ok, enough metaphors for this week!

 

What It Is

          Perhaps it’s best to define grace as what it isn’t rather than what it is. It’s definitely a subjective word. To me, grace isn’t about money, or where you went to school or if you have friends in high places. It isn’t about the car you drive or the clothes you wear. And, yes, you can still live in grace even if you know nothing about wine, or art, or fine dining. To me living a graceful life is all about an attitude.

           A graceful life is characterized by a cornerstone of gratitude. All things in my life spring forth from a strong sense of appreciation. I don’t take for granted my freedom, or my health or my friends or the ability to read and write. I am thankful to be surrounded by beautiful things to look at, free things that change throughout the seasons.

These are the ways I remind myself to be grateful for as I age:

          In order for gratitude to be fully incorporated into my life I do the following things every day:

    - Acknowledge, either when I first awake or right before
            going to sleep, that my life is full and fun and that I
            am blessed with an abundance of love
         
    - Share the resources I have available to me be they time,
            money, energy or  knowledge

Patience

           Second most important in a graceful life is

One of Those Moments: Labor Day 2010

Another one of my flash fiction/memoir pieces, this one appropriate for the holiday. I hope you enjoy!

 

Labor Day 2010

 



          Reading the back of the kid’s baseball jersey, I can’t believe someone’s last name is really “Filet.” Oh, looking again, I see it’s “Filiet.” Yeah, like that’s better.
          There are scads of tiny 8-year-old boys looking like ants scattered about the green grass. Focused, intense these kids are. Just a minute ago Riley was whining quietly in the car about one thing or another and now he’s practicing his swing like he’s been in the pros for years. His eyes dart around the field memorizing who is doing what where.

          While moms dole out juice, water and snacks and move the umbrellas to keep the scorching late summer sun off their spectator families, dads are standing in groups, mostly watching, silently hoping their sons do the right thing.

          After a week of TV news showing death – accidental or intentional – drugs, dwindling earth resources and dejected employees acting out, all you’ve got to do is come out to a Little League game on this Sunday. It’s heartwarming to see youngsters try so hard. These future adults can be exhilarated one minute and flat out dejected the next, hanging their heads and skulking off the field if they fail to get on base when it’s their turn at bat.

          Then in a flash there’s mine. In the new inning he’s wearing catcher’s gear, looking serious, professional, older; no sign of any whining. He’s calling the shots. His dad is on the sidelines…wait, what…he’s texting? Yes, he’s keeping mom and brother who are at another game across town apprised of Riley’s performance.

          This all reassures me. On a Sunday during Labor Day weekend a different kind of news is being made. We won’t see it reported with the evening TV broadcasts, but we’ll soak it up, like the brilliant sun, in our hearts. It makes me feel a tad more hopeful for our future…regardless of who wins.  

You might also enjoy:
     Baseball 2012
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Inspired By a King

          Tomorrow is the 50th anniversary of the civil rights March on Washington, and this morning I again listened to Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech. It made me cry; it makes me cry every time I listen to the dedication and purpose, the emotion and strength and the hope in his voice. Today I carry that hope forward as I think about where we were then compared to now and how much further hopefully all of us will go to continue to carry his dream forward.

 The Power of a King

           I feel so fortunate to have lived during King’s all too short lifetime. He and I share a birthday but when I came along he was already 19 years old, nearly halfway through his short life before he would be assassinated while doing what he loved best, peacefully championing the rights of black people in the U.S.

          King used his sparkling speaking abilities, which were developed as a Baptist minister, to emphasize the need for continued action and peaceful demonstration if we, as a nation, were truly going to represent the equality of all people. As he said in his speech, “Let us not wallow in the valley of despair…” but focus on how we can make changes to enhance the lives of those who are discriminated against.

          King equated the civil rights movement with the highest and noblest ideals of the American tradition, allowing many to see for the first time the importance and urgency of racial equality. Throughout his entire life I believe King knew we could change.

What Has Been Accomplished

          The civil rights movement has been a broad spectrum from no freedom, few choices, and a small collective voice for most African Americans over time to celebrating the first black man as the leader of the free world. While it may seem we’ve gotten to the end of the spectrum, there is still a long way to go in terms of equality for people of color in this country.

The Future and My Part In It

          My dream is that the celebration and embracing of ALL peoples continues to unfold exponentially around the world.

          I’m going to look to the future with hope and possibilities. We have the capacity to change. I am committed to living my life with an eye to discrimination in my attitude toward not only different races but in anything that stands to represent different choices and ways of being than I'm familiar with. I don’t have time to shut people out of my life because their beliefs or ideals are different from mine or because they look different than me.

           I will NOT be distracted by comic media that tries to bedazzle me with false issues as a sideshow, such as looking to place political blame for our inertia. This only promotes inaction which thwarts us from moving forward and making real progress toward equality. I am only one person, but I have a heart and I have the power to seek a truth that brings about the changes we need, the changes that will benefit all future generations.

          The anniversary of the March on Washington has given me hope and King continues to inspire me to do what I can to keep his dream alive.

I am only one, but still I am one.  I cannot do everything, but still I can

do something; I will not refuse to do something I can do.





                                                                                             - Helen Keller




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One of Those Moments: Global Vision or Open Your Eyes, Antonia!

          I hate to admit I haven’t completely bought into the whole global warming
issue over the years. Do I need to duck now while you throw tomatoes at me for
my lack of mindfulness?

          Having said that out loud, now I can begin to educate myself and change
my point of view. In my learning travels I found this video. I'd be interested in
knowing how you feel about it and the whole issue and your thoughts on slowing
the devastation.






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National Senior Citizen Day 2013

          You might be just as wooly-minded as I was to learn that tomorrow is National Senior Citizen Day. I’d never heard about this holiday until a week ago, which is particularly surprising since seniors are my personal and 'business' interest. Did you know this holiday existed?

A Little History

          In 1988 President Ronald Reagan issued Proclamation 5847 which established August 21st as National Senior Citizen Day. In his explanation about why he created this holiday, Reagan wrote, “Older citizens are reinforcing their historical roles as leaders and as links with our patrimony and sense of purpose as individuals and as a Nation.”

          He went on to say, “For all they have achieved throughout life and for all they continue to accomplish, we owe older citizens our thanks and a heartfelt salute. We can best demonstrate our gratitude and esteem by making sure that our communities are good places in which to mature and grow older.” That’s worth celebrating!

What to Do Now That You Know

          I can practically hear the younger generations groan as they learn of yet another 'holiday' to scrounge around for a gift to be foisted upon the fastest-growing segment of the population in the world -- a constituent that, for the most part, already has everything.

One of Those Moments: Giving

          There’s a HUGE holiday coming up next week and I want to get you geared up to give. What? You’ve looked at your calendars and can’t find any notation about a huge national holiday that arrives next week? Oh, well, I’ll not spoil the surprise before then. Instead lets think about what you might want to give.

          The best kind of gift for both the receiver and the giver is the act of giving itself. Obviously, the recipient gets what you give, whether it’s a yacht or a sincere and loving smile. What you may have forgotten is the joy the giver receives. C’mon, admit it. Remember that time you gave a little kid something that seemed beyond their reach – a bike, ice cream cone, a movie ticket? Remember the look of wonderment and joy in that child's face? It’s like what they experience bounces back into you tenfold.

          Everyone has something to give. It can be money or something that costs a little or a lot, or it can be that smile, or support, love, energy or just attention.  Whatever the gift, it carries with it a transformative power of love and connection that radiates throughout the universe. Giving encourages, empowers, nurtures and inspires all who come into contact with it.

          You don’t need to wait until next week and that big mystery holiday to begin giving. Start tomorrow. Look at what you might have to give and identify possible recipients. Check your attitude about giving AND receiving and let the practice carry you forward into your daily routine. This practice will enrich your life beyond imagination.

          Believe it.



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Are You Better Now Than Before? Five Ways to Find Out.

          There are a few things I could have done when I was younger that I don’t think I could do now, like drive across the country by myself or squat down to retrieve something from the bottom shelf at the grocery store without using my cart or the shelf to help pull myself back up. But there are things I can do now that I could not do when I was younger, like keep my mouth shut when I really felt like blurting, “You’re wrong!” or like getting the chores done before diving into something pleasurable. Wait, did you hear me say I can now delay gratification? You’re wrong! (oops) The way I eat proves that assumption incorrect.

          But I can now sit at a stoplight, a long stoplight, and not drum my fingers on the steering wheel or pick up my cell phone to check everyone’s status, which is not only stupid, but illegal in California. Now I can think of helping someone else before helping myself. I can even be the last one in the buffet line.

          The five ways to determine if you are better now than before, well, they really don’t exist. Everything that might be used to determine that question is SO subjective and cannot be determined quantitatively. I do, however, have some guidelines that I use in measuring my better-ness or my happiness today compared to my days as a younger person. They are:

A Later Moment: Older

I love writing flash fiction/memoir. Here's one of my very short pieces from a few years ago that you might enjoy:

OLDER 

          The short circular driveway of the Senior Center looks all damp and mossy; lots of trees and shrubbery, no sunlight and not a soul around. I’m convinced only the most decrepit and down and out sort of people come here. But I’m a senior citizen and I’m curious.
           I turn onto the street just west of the center and see an attached parking lot in the back of the building. The place is packed! The lot must hold a couple hundred parking spaces and it’s full! Big Oldsmobiles and Buicks and massive trucks for towing fifth wheelers, and I can’t find a place to park, so I park on the street.

          Because I’m not familiar with how to get inside the building from the back parking lot, I walk all the way up to the front through the moist grove-like entrance. The moment I open the door, however, all thoughts of stagnant life disappear. A rush of warm and vibrant activity envelopes me. I’m greeted cordially by Lori, an attractive woman of an age I can’t guess who is impeccably dressed in a green somewhat outdated but very presentable pantsuit. The minute I tell her this is my first visit to the center, she’s off and running with so much information my head spins.
           A senior in this place is defined as anyone 50 or over. Hell, at 50 I was only a kid and now, at 61, I’m just beginning to embrace the concept of being able to get discounted goods and services or of experiencing the idea that no one notices if I wear makeup when I'm out and about.
           It was only when Lori was giving me the bingo schedule that it dawned on me…I’d joined the ranks of people by who no longer define themselves by their occupations or the successes of their children but  people whose status might be based on the elegance of the troll doll at the end of their bingo card markers. Oh, my gosh, is it just a matter of time before I’m saving sugar packets from Denny's?           
                                                                                                                        2009

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Isn't There An App For That?

A Review

         

         When I’m not sure exactly where I want to go, I just Map Quest or Google Earth the location and I’m given step-by-step directions how to get there – go 0.3 mi and turn left on Happiness Street; at  the next stoplight bear right as the road forks at Memory Lane; your destination is on the left. Pretty nifty, even if the directions aren’t always the most direct route.

          When I run out of resources in my wallet I just log on to my bank’s website and move some money around so I can survive until payday. When I don’t know how to spell a word or when I need to find out where I can buy little umbrellas for drinks at my next patio party, I ask my loyal computer for a clue.

          When I have a medical question or need to find out how physically healthy I am I send a quick e-mail to my doctor and she gets back to me within a couple of hours, even if it’s 10 p.m. at night. When I crave a hit of spirituality I can receive an online injection by watching my minister speak a thousand of his weekly inspirational and spot on messages or by reading his informative and touching blog posts.

          If you're a regular reader, you've heard me say most of the above before.

The New Stuff

          So, why is it I can’t do the same with the emotional side of my life? Real life and the work involved in it requires real participation, real touching, face-to-face interaction and solving problems in the presence of others. Isn’t there an app for that?  It can be pretty difficult to celebrate all that life has to offer with a computer, even one with a talented program that simulates real life events.

          On the other hand, when I can’t be there to see my girlfriend’s new baby or when my great nephew sprints ahead of the pack at his track meet, the computer and its attached pictures and social applications do indeed stand in. But I have still missed out on a part of the experience, a rather large part, in fact. I didn’t see the sweat of all his labor as he crossed the finish line, and I didn’t smell the red dirt track that was trampled by lots of other competing teenager feet. And he also doesn't get to see me smiling and thumbing up his great work. The limitations are obvious.

          But, when I’m frustrated and need some insight into how I might improve the well being of a couple of my relationships or certain things that have happened in those relationships, I look for a quick reference for an answer.  I have to admit I’ve Googled “How to be a better friend” and “How to express disappointment without getting angry.”  I also like to look up what my role models, such as Ernest Holmes or Emma Curtis Hopkins, might have to say about the spiritual side of my query. I’ve come to rely on my computer for so many things but solving real people problems/issues/questions can’t be accomplished entirely with a connection to the internet.

          I can’t applaud my relationship with my computer enough when it comes to quickly learning what to do when my generous neighbor delivers a freshly caught and very much still alive and kicking Dungeness crab to my door (I put it in the freezer to put it to sleep but then needed to check online again to learn how to clean it after I cooked it.).

          Access to almost all the information you’d ever need in a flash is nice, but it’s not the complete solution to what ails us/me. I wonder sometimes if I’m getting out of practice with real people-to-people interactions because of my over use of computerized devices such as iPads, tablets, smart phones, etc. Admittedly, I’ve sometimes chosen those forms of communication over the face-to-face kind because I could edit what I say several times before spewing forth.

          If I didn’t have my connection to all the information on the internet, what would I do? I wouldn’t give up trying to improve my interpersonal relationships; I might flounder a bit more and make bigger mistakes. Hey, I make pretty big ones already! I might have to call someone who could advise me about how to handle a live crab. I would have to wait and call my doctor’s office to get medical information, and I’d have to put on my pantyhose (just a saying, people) and actually go to The Center for Spiritual Living in person, which wouldn’t be so bad.

          There are those of my friends who, after having read this, will scoff, “See, I told you I could live my life just fine without learning how to work one of them there computer thingies.” Okay, they don’t really talk like that! But I have mixed feelings. While their lives are lived in the purest connection of people reaching out and connecting with other people, isn’t it limited extensively by time, energy, money and availability?

Why Talk About This at All?

     What has prompted this banal conversation in the first place you may wonder? Recently my computer experienced some significant problems. It had to do with the mouse and cursor having wildly divergent ideas about where to go on the screen, neither of which was governed by my participation. It was costly and inconvenient. I became very involved in the life of my Dell tech from the Philippines, Raymund.  During this period of downtime I was able to reflect about the difference between mechanical problems versus ‘people’ difficulties. Both have their good and bad points.

          One of the best things to occur as a result of this computer problem was a dear friend recommending I read Patience, The Art of Peaceful Living  by Allan Lokos. I highly recommend it. Hop on over to the movie and book review section of this blog for a more in depth review. After having read it, I’m sure what I learned will help me with both computer problems and the foibles of living with and loving real live humans.

          I'm no where near setting aside my computer and all that it does for me, but I feel a stronger sense of being able to handle things without the aide of anything electronic.






My computer/companion/counselor/cartographer



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