Start Forgiving: 3-Steps to Help you Let Go - Rev. Chris Michaels, Guest Post

          It is really hard to accomplish our goals and reach for our dreams when we are looking backwards. I want to share with you a 3-step plan to help you let go of lingering resentments.

Step One: Step Back

          Step back a bit and look at the situation from a proper distance. And when you do you’ll realize you did the BEST you could with what you knew at the time.

          The truth is, if you would of known better, you would have done better. But you didn’t, you couldn’t. Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know.

Step Two: Take Responsibility

          Whether you intended to hurt them or not, the fact is YOU DID. So, don’t blame them for being oversensitive. Don’t make them bad and wrong for misunderstanding you.

          Stop defending your actions – and take responsibility. Man up – and say: “I’m so sorry you got hurt. That was not my intention.”And then say the 4 words that are least used in the entire English language. “Can you forgive me?”

          Now, let me be clear. You are not responsible for their feelings. You are responsible for your actions, which may have caused their feelings. We have a word for taking responsibility for someone else’s emotional state. It’s called co-dependent. So don’t confuse them. You’re responsible for your actions and choices and if they hurt others own them, apologize and ask for forgiveness. They may or may not be able to forgive you, but that’s their issue, not yours.

          And don’t wait for their enlightenment because it may never come. Take responsibility for the role you played and forgive yourself.

Step Three: Give What You Want to Receive

          If you want others to respect you, respect yourself. If you want others to forgive you, start by forgiving yourself. Show yourself the kindness you want others to give. Be patient with yourself and learn to accept yourself, warts and all.

          You’re going to get hurt. That’s unavoidable. There will be injustice. It is just part of human life. The only way to end the pain and stop the anger is to practice forgiveness. The practice of forgiveness is not easy and it is unending. But is essential in this life.


Learn more about Rev. Chris Michaels and all that he does here. You can get a copy of his wonderful book The Power of You here.

You may reach out to Antonia at antoniasseniormoments@hotmail.com or  Antonia's Senior Moments on Facebook. 

The Words of Others Including Leo and Wayne

          When I can’t find it in myself to say the right thing – be it something to console or motivate or scold lovingly – when I can’t find the words to exactly and concisely express my feelings at a given moment in time, I look to the words of others. One of the first such people whose words touched me was Leo Buscaglia. Remember him? Leo was “Dr. Love,” and he was one of the first people who brought words such as “acceptance,” “compassion” and “non-judgment” into my world. [If you’re just hearing of him for the first time, check out his publications here.]

Leo

I was so cool

          I knew what love was when I first saw Leo – at least I thought I did. I was 20, living in Berkeley and thought myself to be very cool. I mean, I had my nose pierced, and that alone made me cool! I knew that love was a feeling I had from time to time for members of the opposite sex. It was through this feisty Italian and very charismatic man, however, that I learned the value of love for all humankind, be they boyfriends or my women friends or people I didn’t even know.

Another huge contributor

          Another influential wordsmith I found early as I was beginning what I fondly refer to as my "inside journey" was Wayne Dyer. His method of speaking so simply, so directly to the issues in my life captured my rapt attention beginning with his first book Your Erroneous Zones.  Through his communications, I learned to identify and speak my truth – not in all situations but at least to open the door to the power of positive thinking. To this day, every time he appears on PBS, I garner some new insight into my well-being.

          These are just two of the early healers who presented themselves to me when I was just beginning to find my way through the emotional gauntlet of spiritual growth and development. Before them, my life was about holding the voices and attitudes and opinions of my father or my fiancé above my own. At that time in my life I didn’t know it was okay to own my own feelings.

          It hasn’t always been easy lo these 45+ years since my innocent and naive youth. I have made huge and devastating mistakes with myself and with others. But, today, I feel whole in my imperfection. I am honestly proud of the strength of who I am, even if I have hurt myself and others in the process. I am proud to say my senior voice has been crafted out of the words and the feelings behind the words of these two wonderful men, Leo and Wayne, as well as those of Depak, Earnest, Chris, Edward, Louise, Melody, Jeff, Mary Anne, Eckhart, and many, many more.

          Were there words of others that enhanced your life and helped make the journey easier or more fun, more complete or richer?

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The Power of You - Dr. Chris Michaels writes

      It is my pleasure to share an excerpt from Dr. Chris Michaels' exciting and inspiring new book The Power of You.  I picked this passage right out of the middle and there's a lot of juicy and insightful good stuff leading up to it, so check it out. ~ Antonia

          “Resentment is like a twelve-foot-high, electrified barbed-wire fence you put around yourself. You built it for good reasons. You’ve been hurt, abused or treated poorly, so you want to guard yourself. You’ve been a victim of some great injustice. There are many good reasons for you to be angry or to feel resentment. So to prevent your history from repeating itself, you build a fence. Next time, if anyone tries to hurt you they’ll get zapped, electrocuted and burned.

          There are a couple of problems with this strategy, however. First of all, because the fence is so high, no one can climb over it. You are trapped behind it. And in time, that becomes a very lonely place to be. Second, every good thing you dream of having in your life is on the other side of that fence...  The solution to your problems, the healing of your body is there, just on the other wide of the fence. But none of it can get to you.

          Here’s the ironic truth:  The resentments you hold in your mind for others do nothing to hurt them. They block the flow of good into your life. They keep good things from you and good people from entering your life. They prevent new opportunities from coming your way. Nothing good can get to you until you tear down the fence.”

Thank you, Dr. Michaels for your astute and reassuring words. Your book is filled with common sense wisdom.  ~ Antonia

You might also enjoy Chris Michaels' previous guest post Balance Your Relationships from last year.
Learn more about Chris and all that he does here. You can get your copy of The Power of You here.
You may reach out to me at antoniasseniormoments@hotmail.com or Antonia's Senior Moments on Facebook.

How Blogging Increased My Spirituality

Happy Anniversary         
          It was one year ago tomorrow when I posted my first piece for Antonia’s Senior Moments. The subject I spoke about in that first blog was gratitude. As I reflect on the past year, I feel a great sense of gratitude all this writing and sharing has brought into my life.  No amount of celebrating is complete without taking a moment to share what I’ve gotten out of this experience and without thanking two people who have supported and taught me more than I ever imagined I could learn at this point in my life.

Why?

          One of the main reasons I started writing here was to increase my spirituality. At the Center for Spiritual Living, my metaphysical home, we have spent this year practicing all aspects of our spiritual place in the Universe. I thought there’d be no better way to increase my spirituality than by writing about all these aspects including, as I said, gratitude, and meditating, giving/receiving, friendships, non-material wealth, attachments, affirmations, forgiveness and selfless service. All of these subjects, as well as some of the zany and highly personal other topics I discussed this past year, were written from my perspective, the senior citizen perspective. I’ve been told over and over, however, that many, many of these discussions were of interest to people of all ages, not just seniors.  That thrills me!

          Has my goal of increased spirituality been attained? Indeed it has and will only continue to expand in the future. Growth of any kind, as we all know, is a continuum; we never get to the end – hopefully. I look forward to increasing my spiritual sense of self – stumbles and all – for many years to come. And I so appreciate you accompanying me in this journey.

Big Help

          Along the way, I’ve been joined by a few knowledgeable guest bloggers who kindly agreed to share their perspective and experience in the world. Thank you Randall Friesen, Jane Beach, Edward Viljoen, Chris Michaels and Gretchen Rubin. Your input here has added a dimension and enrichment that could not have existed without your presence.

Edward Viljoen

          I  wish to give a standing O to my teacher, blog administrator, spiritual leader, mentor and friend,  Rev. Edward Viljoen. When I hesitated, you were there, encouraging and helping me realize my dream. Most of the time the technical aspects of this project made my head spin but  I'd always walk away from our meetings with a greater sense of just how simple it is to know my truth and to speak it. Thank you, Edward.


Rod Sverko

          Also, I wish to thank my dear friend, Rod Sverko, who has consistently been my biggest champion.  You let me share early drafts of nearly all posts, you “Liked” and shared on Facebook and Google+’d everything ALL the time, you kept me company at public events, you were distracted by me as I flailed around in darkened theaters to take notes for my movie reviews and you always talked up "Antonia’s Senior Moments" to everyone you knew and met.  Thank you for your love and support.

         And finally, thank you, the reader, for finding my work, whether you were with me from the beginning or only recently stumbled upon this little corner of the blogging world. You unfailingly gave me your feedback and told me when I made you laugh and when I made you cry. If I can enhance the life of only one person through this passion of mine, I will be overjoyed.

         A toast to this past year and to the  future!

My job is to find a place of truth and tell that truth ~
                                                                Jay Z

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