Four Types of Friends

          In her recent blog, Gretchen Rubin acknowledged that friendships were one of the most important elements to happiness. She presented her colleague, Geoffrey Greif’s breakdown of friendships into the following four categories:  must, trust, just, rust. I’d never heard any of these unique divisions, so I was interested!

Geoffrey Greif

          He characterized these four types as follows:

          Must friend: a best friend, a member of your inner circle, a person you count on when something big happens in your life

          Trust friend: a friend who shows integrity, someone you feel comfortable with, that you’re always glad to see, but not in your innermost circle; perhaps someone you’d like to be closer to, if you had the time or opportunity

          Rust friend: a person you’ve known for a long, long time; you’re probably not going to get any closer to that person, unless something changes, but a part of your life

          Just friends: a person you see — at book club, at your child’s school — who is enjoyable company, but you have no desire to socialize outside a specific context or to get to know that person better.

          When I read this list I was able to immediately identify at least one person in my life for each category. Then I wondered how I might be categorized by people I know.

          I’m not always a big fan of putting people into generalized “boxes,” but I do find it interesting and entertaining to see how people can be described. I don’t take it too seriously, but rather allow my friends to move closer and then not so close depending on how busy we all are. It’s sort of like reading and applying horoscopes…fun but not to be used for hardcore evaluation.

Friends

 





          How about you? Do your friends, for the most part, fit into these four types? What other types might be added to these four


*Geoffrey Greif is the author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships.
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Is Your Glass Half Full, Full of Ick, or Pink Instead of Red?

          Whatever you put in your glass is what it will be filled with.

          Well, duh! That’s pretty obvious; however, I’m sure you can guess I’m speaking metaphorically. What I really mean is, whatever we bring into our lives, whatever we spend time and money on, whatever receives the best of our attention and efforts will be what our lives are filled with.

What does this mean?

          If the glass is only half full, that means there’s a lot more that you could be doing to enrich your life and to have it be more fulfilling. If it’s full but murky with ick, that means it needs to be poured out and refilled with the good stuff. If the glass is filled with brilliant ruby red essence but, over time, it turns pink through dilution of non-red stuff that means it’s time to find what is doing the dilution and get rid of it (being bored is a prime diluter of the goodness in life).

          I’m looking at this issue because, for me, it shows just how much of our happiness IS within our control. When we look outside ourselves and see the economy, the weather, our behaving badly friends, family, or neighbors, when we can’t get beyond our body shapes and sizes or the wrinkles on our faces, we can easily sink into frustration and not do anything to make life better.

It's easy

6 1/2 Ways to Live a More Contented Life

1) Ask for help

          Life is too short to spin your wheels trying to do it all on your own. If there is someone who can help, ask them. My husband and I recently wanted to BBQ but neither of us knew how and didn’t want to buy any equipment or flounder around on our own. We asked a friend who BBQs a lot and now we’re on our way to being expert outdoor cooks!

2) Simplify your life

          This can start with that spring cleaning you didn’t quite get around to. There is stuff you’ll never use, and this stuff clutters up the room that might be available for exciting new things and experiences and people to come into your life. Got anything like that????

3) Focus on the positive

          A personal pet peeve of mine…wasting time in conversation or other activities on negative things beyond our control: the weather, politics (get out and vote to make a change), inflated reports that capitalize on sensationally bad news, gossip and wallowing in the bad experiences of others…it doesn’t really help them and it certainly doesn’t help you.

4) Meditate

          Meditation is a salve that calms how our mind processes some of the crazies in life. A regular practice of meditation alleviates much of the “monkey mind” of energetic discourse that can take over, in spite of our best efforts to not let things get to us. (For an excellent guide to meditating, check out Edward Viljoen's The Power of Meditation.)

5)  Look for what's important 

          Pretend the end is near. What will you spend your last days doing and with whom? Perhaps it’s about family and friends rather than getting back at someone or stretching your resources to acquire that expensive car…or house…or outfit…or….

6 1/2) Share your wealth

          I give this one 1 ½ because it helps others and it helps you at least half as much as it helps others. When it suddenly looks like crap in my life, the best thing I can do is to do for others. It takes the focus off me and my (usually little) problem and benefits someone else. Some of the most powerful giving I have done in my life has come when I turn away from an inane issue in my life to help another.


      One contented little guy



 

You might also enjoy Are you Better Now than Before? Five Ways to Find Out.

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Weight Loss - The Beginning

          A certain momentum is created when something is shared in a public forum. It is my decision to share my weight loss experience…even though I bristle under the exposure. It’s scary to make myself vulnerable and to truly reveal something I’ve been so talented at hiding – both figuratively and literally – for many years. I hope that hiding stops here and now.

It IS all about me

          This is MY journey and I, for sure, won’t do it the exact way YOU would do it, if you were going to tackle this issue. I will share things you may disagree with but it’s what I think will work for me and not necessarily anyone else. It’s my belief we each need to decide what works best for ourselves. In general, I’ll be moving more and eating less….that’s the basic plan. I am not following a commercial diet plan nor am I opting for any surgical assistance.

          This isn’t the first time I’ve lost weight. I’m 66 years old, and I’ve lost and gained weight my whole life…probably several peoples worth of gaining and losing, so I have some basic ideas of what works for me and what doesn’t. I want to lose enough weight to feel good, inside and out, but I don’t know how many pounds that translates into. I plan to stick with it until I’m a size that fits me, and it will be my ongoing goal to keep off any weight I lose.

          I may be successful and I may fail

Coming Attraction - Weight Loss

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